Famous Last Words: Jayne&Simon
by 2dragonkat
Summary: Another set of stories I did based off of the last words of movies. This time these are based on the pairing of Jayne&Simon. If slash ain't you cup of tea I suggest you try my other set of stories.


Jayne/Simon livejournal community challenge (January/February)

Prompt: "Famous last words" – J/S focused

Rating: All the way from "All Ages" to "Mature"

Author: 2dragonkat

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon is the man and I worship his godliness.

Summary: This is a long set of drabbles (some Jayne/Simon focused, some general) each based on a different quote from a movie. And all of these movie quotes are the last line of the movie (so that's how I'm connecting it to the prompt). Some quotes are from movies I adore, others are from movies I don't even know. Some quotes are exactly the same, both in the movie and my drabbles, and others either needed names or entire words changed to fit into context. So each drabble is titled with the original quote, then that quote is somehow imbedded in the story. Enjoy!

AN: Like the other set of stories I posted I wanted everything up before my surgery so I don't have to worry about anything and can focus on healing. Please enjoy!

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"Well, well, well, Mr. Beddini, what are you doing in this young lady's room." - Top Hat (1935)

WC: 1,005

"Well, well, well, Jayne, what are you doing in this young doctor's room." Mal just adored akward moments…when they didn't involve him.

He had gone in search of Jayne this morning after he had had his coffee. They were due to touch down on Persephone this afternoon and he needed to talk to Jayne about what needed to be done. He always needed to tell Jayne what was going to happen before any job, or going to go get a job. Because the man usually fucked it up if he didn't know what was happening, usually pulling his gun to quick and starting the southward spiral of most of their jobs.

He had charged into Jayne's room unannounced, ready for a loud and rough confrontation but all he got was silence. He had looked around in embarrassment because he had dropped in, yelling and holding his gun and all he got was an empty room. He didn't even have crickets chirping in the background to break the silence. He scratched his head and left the room, curious to where Jayne had gotten to this early in the morning.

He walked into the kitchen, figuring the mercenary would probably be stuffing his face. Once again he barged in, jumping down with his gun drawn, ready to yell only to find a room full of his crew…with no Jayne. He looked around, wanting so much to just disappear, but he just smiled and laughed, sheathing his gun saying, "Just getting ready for our meetin' with Badger today."

He almost blushed at the skeptical looks sent his way, but his captainly ways stopped his face from fluhing in embarrassment. He cleared his throat and shifted on his feet. "Anyone seen Jayne today," he asked, looking down at his scruffy boots.

Everyone murmured a no and Mal sighed, how hard was it to find one man on a ship like this. He looked up as Sheppard Book spoke, the man lounging in his chair, ever present bible in his hands. "I saw him late last night," he spoke, lifting a hand to his chin in contemplation. "I came in to get some tea and found him and the young doctor drinking and playing cards. They were quite drunk at the time and were still here when I left, it's possible he could be down in one of the passenger dorms."

Mal nodded his thanks to the man, walking across the room and preparing to leave when River spoke. "Unexpected completion. Drinks made things clearer. I'd be an aunt if the x had been the y," she spoke, looking at him with laughing eyes.

What did that girl mean, what did she ever mean really. He shook his head, figuring eventually her words would make sense. She did say drinks made things clearer, maybe if he had a few drinks he'd know what she means. He walked out the door without a backwards glance, walking down the stairs towards the infirmary and passenger dorms. He figure Jayne would have crashed in the only other available room on the first level, knowing he wouldn't have been coordinated enough to climb up the ladders.

Just as he passed got there he heard a moan come from Simon's room. He looked at the closed door, smirking as he figured the doctor had one hell of a hang-over, since the man was a total lightweight when it came to drinking. He paused, figuring he'd pester the doctor for a bit, it was always fun to do so, especially when he had more of a probability of making a witty comeback to whatever the doctor said now that he was incapacitated.

He strutted up to the door, shrugging when he thought about knocking and decided not too, he was best known for his abrupt entrances anyway. He slid open the door, smirking triumphantly. His happy moment dissolved when another moan interrupted his entrance. He looked at the bed, blinking a few times, titling his head, wondering if a different angle would look any different. "Huh," he said, eyes widening as another moan was issued.

He watched for a moment, then remembered what River had said…she would have been an aunt if the y had been a…oh. Got it. If Simon had been a girl…huh…

He felt a smirk come to his face none the less…things were going to get real interesting on his ship from now on.

"Well, well, well, Jayne, what are you doing in this young doctor's room." He wished he had a camera to capture the moment the two of them whipped around to stare at him with wide, shocked eyes, he almost thought Jayne was going to get whiplash he moved his head so fast.

They were obviously naked, under the blanket, because there was a large pile of clothes and a pair of underwear had landed on a lamp. Simon was beneath Jayne, holding the larger man with his thighs and arms while Jayne had one arm underneath Simon's shoulders and another hand disappeared beneath the edge of their cover that came up to their waists.

They stared at one another, silence being the main feature of the room now before Mal sighed and turned around, heading for the door. "I want you both dressed and in the kitchen pronto. Then I need to talk to you Jayne about what's happening today," he said, turning just as he was leaving, seeing relieved looks on their faces. "This ain't over, if that's what you're thinkin'. We're gonna sit down and have us a chat come dinner time."

He left as quietly as he came, whistling a tune and heading up the stairs to the kitchen. He had plans for making those men as uncomfortable as was humanly possible before Mal let them off the hook. He may be against ship board romances, but he wasn't against love. So if those two were in love he'd cut them some slack. If not…'well' Mal thought cracking his knuckles, 'that'll be an interesting day.'

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"Where the devil are my slippers, Eliza?" - Pygmalion (1938)

WC: 684

Jayne had discovered having a roommate was not something he enjoyed. Before he had come to Serenity he had had a tiny room, that smelled of old feet, and a roommate who smelled like a dirty crotch. Jayne had hated it, and had sworn to himself after he got his own room on Serenity to never have a roommate again.

Of course Simon Tam had changed all his carefully laid plans.

They had been fucking like rabbits for months, then suddenly the got to talking and Jayne had almost thrown himself out the airlock when he realized he was actually falling in love…with another man…who had a sister who could kill him with her brain.

He had tried pushing Simon away when he started to feel these strange, foreign emotions in his heart, but Simon saw right through him, like he always could. And soon they were kissin' and holdin' hands and making gaga faces right in front of the crew. Mal had of course put up a stink when he found out but Simon had got right in Mal's face and said if he couldn't handle it he might as well shoot them now because they were in love. Jayne had almost raised a hand to protest against the 'shoot us now,' but Mal had backed off grumbling. That was enough of a blessing for them.

Then, a couple days ago Simon had complained about them going back an forth between their rooms and Jayne had blurted out, "why don't you move in to mine." He didn't actually think Simon would take him seriously, he usually didn't…but the next day he had forced Jayne to haul all of his stuff from one end of the ship to the other. Of course Jayne didn't protest because before he could Simon had whispered what he wanted to do after he was moved in to christen the room. Amen to that.

He had gotten used to it slowly, having someone to share the space with. His room stayed very clean, because that's the kind of person Simon is. And Jayne couldn't deny he really like waking up with Simon next to him in THEIR room, and taking sponge baths together was also a bonus.

So Jayne took back what he said about never having a roommate again, since he had one, who was so much better then his pervious one. He just slowly got used to having their things get mixed up together and such…

"Where the hell are my slippers, Simon," he said rummaging around under the bed. Simon looked up from the book he was reading, titling his head to one side before his eyes widened and he shifted his body. "I was wondering what I was sitting on," he said, producing two fluffy slippers in the shapes of bunnies.

Jayne snatched them from his lover and thrust them on his feet. He had been wearing them religiously at night after he got them in the mail from his Ma…his Ma was always taking care of him, even when he was thousands of miles away. He heard Simon giggle and he looked up asking, "What is gorram funny?"

Simon just shook his head and put his book down, crossing the room and settling down in Jayne's lap. He kissed Jayne, holding the larger man close. Soon they were naked on the bed and Jayne sighed as Simon went down on him, giving his cock, which was always at attention when Simon was in the room, some much needed attention. He'd have to thank his Ma because not only did the slippers keep him warm but they also seemed to make Simon horny since whenever Jayne wore them they usually had some hot, sweaty sex. He didn't know why, they just did. Maybe he'd start wearing them during the day…maybe.

He groaned as he came, trembling as Simon thoroughly cleaned him, stroking his sensitive cock gently and holding his balls. Simon grinned wolfishly up at him, reaching over for their jar of lube.

Oh yeah, Jayne was definitely gonna thank his Ma for these slippers.

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"When I want to kiss my wife, I'll kiss her anytime, anyplace, anywhere. That's the kind of hairpin I am." - The Strawberry Blonde (1941)

WC: 595

Jayne had had it with this crew; he was just about ready to whip out Vera and shoot someone…first and foremost being Mal.

When he and Simon had first come out to the crew no one had really cared, most of them knew already. They had only made a formal statement about it when Mal had caught them necking in the infirmary. He had gone a little crazy, saying things like 'why doesn't anyone listen to me' and 'I knew this would happen' while pacing around the room, waving his gun around.

He had turned to the two of them and asked if they were serious. Simon had looked at him, a little hesitant, they had never really discussed their relationship, but Jayne figured he wasn't gonna give the Doc up, not now that he knew what an animal he was in bed and was really good company outta bed. He turned to Mal, said they were serious and the captain nodded, like he already knew that answer. He marched them right upstairs into the kitchen, calling the crew together and having them spill their not so carefully concealed secret.

Everyone had been fine with it; at least that's what they said. Now two weeks later Jayne was fed up with their attitudes. Any time he tried to get a little fresh with his man people either scurried out of the room or coughed to break up the action. Jayne didn't like it, because people still talked to them like normal but they never talked about the relationship the mercenary and the doctor had.

The straw the broke the camel's back though came when he had leaned down to give Simon a kiss, because the doctor was feeling a little down because his sister was a little more out of control and he had to sedate her today. He just wanted to comfort his lover, because that was the kinda man Jayne was when Wash walked by and told them to get a room before jogging off to the kitchen where lunch was being served.

Simon had stiffened in his arms and actually looked like he wanted to cry. Jayne knew he was even more sensitive to the cool treatment they were receiving and seeing his Simon looking so down made Jayne's blood boil. No one makes his doctor sad without answering to this here mercenary.

He walked right into the kitchen where everyone but River was. He grabbed a chair and threw it into the wall. A little dramatic yes, but the best way to get everyone's attention. He felt Simon behind him, curious over his actions. "All you idiots better listen up right now. When I want to kiss my Bao-bei, I'll kiss him anytime, anyplace, anywhere. That's the kind of man I am," he shouted looking everyone in the eye so they understood his point. "So you all better learn to live with it 'cause I ain't letting him go for no reason in the 'verse. Dong-ma!"

Everyone was shocked in silence, but Jayne wasn't gonna wait around, he turned around and grabbed Simon, dragging the equally stunned man out of the kitchen and to their bedroom. He opened the door and let Simon climb down first before he followed, closing the latch behind him. He turned and was quickly embraced by his lover and he wrapped his arms tight around him, burying his face in the doctor's soft brown tresses. They'll be alright…they're gonna be just fine now that the crew knew that Jayne wasn't gonna give Simon up…not ever.

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"But I don't want a better man, Sebastian. I just want you." - Escape Me Never (1947)

WC: 342

"Jayne…what are you doing?"

"…I'm getting dressed, what does it look like Simon?"

"Alright, let me refrease the question. What are you wearing?"

"…uh, clothes. Even you should realize that. You've seen me without them often enough."

"…that's not the point, Jayne. Why are you wear the particular clothes you're wearing…and where did you even get them."

"Well I decided to try something else for a change, and I got them last time we were planetfall. Satisfied."

"No."

"Why not."

"Because you're wearing tailored pants, a collared shirt, and a vest. You're not even wearing your boots."

"These are nice clothes. Why is this a problem bao-bei?"

"…Jayne you never where clothes like that."

"So?"

"So…you look strange in them."

"You mean I look bad in them."

"Well…I don't want to be mean but yes, you do. You always wear your cargo pants and big boots and old t-shirts."

"Exactly Simon. I look like some hundain who has no money and no taste. Who doesn't deserve to be in the presence of someone as…nice looking as you."

"…"

"What?"

"…oh Jayne…"

"What…hey now watch where yer puttin those doctorly hands. We just got outta bed."

"I love you Jayne."

"I love you too bao-bei…but wha…"

"Do you really believe that you don't deserve me."

"Well I didn't say that…just that maybe…I don't know…you might want someone better dressed…someone more intelligent…a better man…"

"But I don't want a better man, Jayne. I just want you."

"You don't mean that."

"Shut up. Yes I do. If I wanted someone else, someone, as you put, better. Would I even be with you now?"

"…"

"Exactly. I love you just the way you are Jayne, all gruff attitude and rough edges. I won't have you any other way."

"So…I don't have to wear this getup.'

"Please don't."

"Good, cause this collar is a bit suffocating."

"How about I help you out of that Jayne…into something more comfortable."

"I think you got a good idea Doc…I'm feelin a need to 'slip into' something more comfortable…"

"…oh Jayne…"

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"Mr. Rusk, you're not wearing your tie." - Frenzy (1972)

WC: 376

Kaylee giggled, watching from around the corner of the hallway as Simon stumbled off of the ladder that lead to Jayne's bunk. She heard the mercenary say something, though she couldn't tell what, but it must have been interesting because Simon blushed a really pretty shade off red and hurriedly closed the door, glancing around the hallway.

Kaylee ducked behind the corner before he saw her. She brought a hand to her lips to muffle her amusement as she took on the posture of someone just walking by. She turned the corner just as Simon was about to. The nearly bumped into one another and Kaylee had too actually bite her knuckle to keep from laughing at how adorably cute Simon was, stuttering, blushing, and twitchy, trying to act normal.

"How ya doin' Simon," she asked, attempting to let him off the hook.

He straightened up and chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his neck. "I'm good Kaylee, just coming from the bridge after talking with the Captian," he said, avoiding her gaze.

"So that's where you went after breakfast, you were in quite a rush. Something important to talk about," oh she just adored watching Simon squirm, it was too cute.

"Uh yeah, something like that."

"Uh Huh…"

"Something wrong Kaylee."

"Simon, you're not wearing your vest."

"…"

"And I know you wore one to breakfast."

"…"

Just as Simon was about to throw out some lame excuse that she wouldn't have believed even if she didn't know what was going on, Simon's vest decided to make an appearance…courtesy of one Jayne Cobb. "Hey ya forgot this Si," Jayne said, sticking his head out of his bunk and throwing Simon's vest to him. The mercenary disappeared down below, having not seen Kaylee.

She turned, arms crossing and a triumphant look on her face, seeing Simon sweating a bit and turning a little pale. "Uh, Kaylee," he began.

"Save the excuses Doc. I know what's going on," she smiled when he turned guilty and sorry eyes on her. "How about you make it up to me by sharing some juicy details."

"KAYLEE," Simon cried.

"…you're such an easy mark…"

"…thanks…I guess…"

"…but seriously, I want information. Something to satisfy me in the coming lonely months."

"…Kaylee…"

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"Kevin, what did you do to my room?" - Home Alone (1990)

WC: 497

"SIMON, what did you do to my room," Jayne shouted, having just climbed down the ladder into what was once his private domain…but now…well it wasn't a bachelor's pad anymore.

"Technically it's OUR room now Jayne, and I'm just cleaning it up a bit, so there's room for my things," Simon replied with an easy smile, turning back to his task of putting their clothes into the only drawers in the room.

Jayne didn't say anything to that, just crossed his arms and grumpily looked around the room. His naked girl posters were gone, replaced with some pictures of different picturesque locations, like beaches and mountains…he had wondered what those rolled up pieces of paper were that Simon bought at their last stop to a space station. His magazines, risqué and otherwise, were organized neatly on one shelf, with many of Simon's complicated medical and fictional books sitting next to them. All nice and cozy.

His guns were thankfully still in place, but with a new curtain in front of them. He stared at his knives, all hung in a row on one wall, pinned up with some nails…well that he actually didn't hate that much…it kept them all organized and in easy reach.

His bed sheets had been replaced…and that also wasn't a bad thing. He had discovered over the months of sexin' with Simon that he looked much better spread out, moaning in passion on his dark, cotton sheets, as opposed to Jayne's more ragged blankets.

All in all it wasn't a terrible change, their clothes were all together, nice and cozy, but that was okay, because he had someone now to do laundry for him, since Simon was such a neat freak…the main reason why Jayne had let the Doc move in with him. But there was one thing really bothering him, one thing that made him really mad…mad enough to force Simon out of the room.

"Why are my girls gone," he grumbled, standing menacingly behind Jayne.

Simon sighed, looking up at him, not at all bothered byt the dark, murderous look on his face. The doctor stepped up to Jayne, toe to toe, so their bodies were just barely touching. "It's because I'm a selfish man," Simon whispered, leaning up close to Jayne, putting his soft, pale, girly hands on Jayne's shoulders.

"Wha' ya' mean," Jayne asked in an angry tone, narrowing his eyes a bit for effect.

"I mean, that when we're having sex on that bed, I don't want you looking at anyone else's naked body but mine. I'm all you're going to need or want Jayne, so we can just take those pictures down, they'll be of no more use now," Simon purred out, leaning in and letting his breath ghost over Jayne's sensitive ears.

"Y're so sure, eh," Jayne replied, feeling his fight flow out of him as Simon pressed his body tight into his own.

"Yes. I'm positive."

"Then how 'bout you give a demonstration."

"With pleasure."

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"Thought you didn't care." "I don't. Don't tell anybody, OK?" - The Fugitive (1993)

WC: 251

Simon stood in the rain, a perfect companion for his mood. He was angry, he was frustrated, but mostly he was ashamed. Ashamed he had given his heart, which he had guarded so religiously for the past years, so easily away. He looked over his shoulder, to the small bar he had just vacated. He felt defeated, and he didn't know how to deal with it.

As he was turning to walk away the door to the bar opened and a man stepped through, calling out his name into the rain. He turned unwillingly, unable to help reacting to that voice. To the man he thought he knew and could read so well.

Jayne jogged up to him, stopping to stand before him. He had a curious look on his face, one Simon might have thought was regret, but after what had happened he didn't trust his ability to read Jayne Cobb any more. He gasped though, in surprise as he was pulled into a hug, a hug full of warmth and comfort.

Simon closed his eyes, savoring the feeling, heart beating faster, thinking maybe he had read Jayne wrong, but it had been in that bar, not any time before or these moments now. He pulled back, looking hopefully into Jayne's eyes.

"Thought you didn't care," he said quietly.

"I don't. Don't tell nobody, okay," Jayne replied and Simon smiled, realizing everything in that bar had been an act.

Jayne grinned back, leaning down to kiss him in the rain.

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"Good. For a moment there, I thought we were in trouble." - Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)

WC: 134

"Mal…why ya have a gun on me."

"I warned ya Jayne. Harm any one o' my crew and you'll be eating lead."

"I ain't hurt nobody…not today."

"You were attacking my doctor."

"He ain't yours Mal."

"He's a part of my crew. So you don't attack him Jyane. We've had this conversation."

"…huh…"

"What?"

"Well you can put the gun away now Mal. For a moment there, I thought I was in trouble."

"…you are in trouble Jayne."

"No I ain't cause I weren't doin what you said I's doin."

"…yes you were."

"No, I wasn't attacking the Doc."

"Then what were you doin?"

"Well when you walked in we was kissin', but if ya hadn't Mal we'd be on to the sexin' by now."

"…"

"Mal…Mal…ya'll can but your gun away Mal…Mal?"

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Review, review, review please. It'll make my day


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